Leading From Within

How does a bad moment become a bad day?

How many times a day do we find ourselves in a difficult situation? Maybe someone comes to us with a problem we thought they solved last week. Maybe a crucial item isn’t delivered on time, or the wrong thing is in the box. Maybe we just woke up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning.
If we take on that problem, we might be heading in the wrong direction, turning a bad moment into a bad day. Even if we solve that problem, how many more have piled up? We’ll spend the rest of the day putting out fires.
There is another way.
In The Angels Within Us, John Price talks about an angel of order and harmony. How often do we think that, if we can just get things organized, if we just fix what’s broken, then we will be happy?
That’s a trap. John Price declares, and I have learned in my own experience, that the first step is to return to joy, to become happy unconditionally. Then problems are easy to solve. Some seem to vanish by themselves.

How do we make a bad moment into a good day?

So, when you’re caught up in things, when you’re having the ultimate bad hair day, try this:
Stop! Breathe! Be happy!
Stop! is what we do when we suddenly see a butterfly. To do it for ourselves, we stop, stand still, and take a breath. We might remember a beautiful scene or a lovely moment. Or we might just be grateful that we have air to breathe, or that we are here and healthy.
Breathe! means to feel the breath and the body. It means to be alive in the moment, whatever is going on. It means to get out of our heads and come alive, right now!
Then we feel happy. And, feeling happy, we restart. We attend to the problem right in front of us.
What does the 30 seconds of Stop! Breathe! Be Happy! give us?
It makes us leaders.
Taking that moment to put ourselves in charge of ourselves puts us in charge of our lives.
We don’t have to solve the problem.
We choose to solve the problem.
And that makes all the difference in the world.

As President Obama takes office, the whole nation is moving into a new generation. Barack Obama is the first Gen X President in US history. Garrison Keillor, on Prairie Home Companion, did a wonderful sketch about this, where Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and John McCain are all wondering where their generation has gone, and what the future will hold.

Each generation has a different vision of society and of leadership. If we want to pass on the torch, we must understand ourselves, understand those who come after, and respect the differences.

If we want organizations - businesses or not-for-profit groups - to survive, we must pass on the torch. How do we do it?

Views of Truth, Authority, and Social Involvement

Two factors make the generational transition of leadership, especially in not-for-profit organization, difficult:
First, each generation has its own view of truth, authority, and social involvement. These views arise from childhood experience, both at home, and of the larger political and social sphere.

From 1900 through WWII, patriotism and respect for authority was high, and the army could recruit with a poster of Uncle Sam pointing a finger and saying, “I want you for the US Army.”

The silent generation remembered, or learned about, their parent’s sacrifices in WW II, and for Korea and Vietnam, the draft was still in place. Until the middle of the Vietnam war, patriotism was still strong. The US Army could recruit with a call to patriotism plus, as individualism increased, commitment to help people improve through training in the military plus education with the GI bill.

The Baby Boomers came into adulthood in the 1960s, and the Vietnam War and the assassinations of the Kennedys and Martin Luther King, Jr. cast doubt on the authority of government institutions. But belief in higher values was still clear. Even if society was not perfect, its ideals were inspiring. People could be called to join organizations - mainstream or protest - in support of ideals. One of those ideals was teamwork, and “Join the People who Joined the Army” was an effective call to action. The view of the world was large, and Life and Look were the magazines of the day.

Most of us in leadership positions these days think this way. And we are puzzled with how to help our younger colleagues see the way we do.

They won’t. Their experience and values are different. The last historical moment we faced was Watergate, where justice did win out over a President committing crimes. After that, with one scandal after another, the era of spin began, and Gen X and Gen Y children do not trust anyone who claims to hold a vision or have a mission.

Individualism is on the increase. Teamwork is no longer an important value. The army can’t use it to recruit: It has moved away from teamwork, first to “Be all that you can be” and then to “An Army of One.” Life and Look were replaced first by People, then by Us, and, most recently, by Self magazine.

Individualism is not a bad thing. Our society, as a free society, will continue to seek the balance between social involvement and individual expression and fulfillment. But valuing individuals is one thing. Being unable to function in teams is something else.

This brings up the second change from one generation of workers to the next. Studies show that basic emotional intelligence skills - such as anger management and the empathy that makes teamwork possible - are decreasing in the US every ten years.

This failure of teamwork arises from the collapse of the family, as well as other social factors. Past generations grew up in a clan of grandparents, uncles and aunts, and cousins. The 1950s brought in the isolated nuclear family; and children learned fewer social skills. Since the 1980s, most children live with only one parent. Even children with two parents often find that both must work. Children fend for themselves when parents are absent, and some must even struggle to survive when their parents are not functional - suffering from illness, alcoholism, or drug or gambling addictions. These factors are a major aspect of the profile for Gen X, and even more for Gen Y. The result is not so much that they prefer individualism, it’s that many in Gen X and Gen Y never had a healthy experience of community.

The Solution: Individual Mentoring

And yet, the human needs for society and inspiration never go away. They are only frustrated. So we can help our Gen X and Gen Y colleagues by giving them the inspiration and structure that they reject, but also want and need.

The best way to do this is to introduce values in the context of what these people already know. If they are in business, why should it be honest business? What are the values of their particular profession? If they are caring for their own children, why are love and attention important, and how do they do them? Asking questions like these, and providing your own personal answers, without claiming to be an authority, is wonderful guidance that we Baby Boomers can offer Gen X and Gen Y. In my experience, people in Gen X and Gen Y become strongly loyal to those who claim not to know the truth, but to be seeking to discover truth and make life better.

The best organizational tool for this is individual mentoring into useful roles within the organization. Help younger leaders see that they can do good work, survive and thrive, and contribute. Help them see that who they are and what they have to offer are not separate. Help them see that teamwork, honesty, and other key values are actually part of a successful and happy life as an individual, and as part of a team or family.

Making Mentoring Work

Mentoring works because the personal experience of a trustworthy person touches us deeply. This goes to the root of the development of emotional intelligence, where experiential learning can undo childhood conditioning. A child who learns not to trust must learn trust through relationship with a trustworthy colleague or friend.

It is a huge commitment. Being a mentor challenges us to become more reliable, to manage our time better, to communicate well and make things work better than we have in the past.

Being a mentor means growing in leadership, and growing as a person. And helping someone else do the same thing. This is truly Leading From Within, growing, and helping others grow with us.

Mentoring meets the needs of the individualist, while also showing them that the fully happy and healthy individual receives the torch that is passed on, and carries it forward, a leader and light to new generations.

Most Americans, I think, were inspired by President Obama’s inaugural speech. He picked up on crucial themes of applying eternal values in changing times. How do we live with liberty, in pursuit of happiness, in these economic times, and in times of war?

These global problems will be solved at a local level. Every business that thrives, every household that stays together, is one stone in the foundation of the success of the United States.

We have all heard - perhaps too often - the quote from Henry David Thoreau: “If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” That is good strategy. But what are the best tactics.

Tactics are situational. What is the best way to succeed today?

The economy was the ground under our foundations, and it has faltered. That is like an earthquake for our businesses.

We need to build new foundations. More than that, we need to build a new type of foundations. We need to build foundations that will survive economic earthquakes.

Ironically, the path to greatness is a return to business fundamentals.

We need to build sound businesses that serve people’s needs. We need to give workers opportunity, not exploit them. We need to call people people, or citizens, and not consumers. We need to help them improve their lives, not convince them to buy our products.

The economic shakedown came because we had build an economy on false needs and vaporous credit.

Now, let’s give people what they really need and want. Let’s deliver real value.

Do you dream of a better world? Do you dream of a successful business? Wonderful.

Now, build and excellent team. Listen to and serve your target market. Produce and deliver things of lasting value. Thrive, and help others thrive.

We can do this. If we really care, we can do this well. In fact, if we really care, we can build greatness.

What’s the difference between good and great? Simply this: Real caring, committed teamwork, and attention to detail.

Let’s be not just the leader, but also a member of our teams. Let’s be human and fallible. Let’s not claim to have all of the answers. In our shared humanity, we create teams that achieve greatness. And, as we learn to care for each other and work together, we build an enduring society based on the deepest of human values.

Falling backwards into the future

A friend took me to a college basketball game this weekend. I really enjoyed it. But of the various expressions of skill, the one that struck me most deeply was not the basketball players, but the cheerleaders. In a 2-minute timeout, they could roll (back-flip, actually) out onto the court and build a pyramid three people high, with the lightest of the young women standing on shoulders, well over ten feet off the floor. The amazing moment was when she leaned backwards and fell, totally trusting that there was someone there to catch her; someone she couldn’t see.

In America, we think of the past as behind us, and the future in front of us. But that is not the only way to look at it. Some indigenous cultures see the past as in front of us, and the future behind. It makes sense. We can see the past, through memory, as we can see what is in front of us. We can’t see the future, so it is what is behind us. And we are constantly walking backwards into the future, into the unknown.

That takes a lot of courage.

And it takes even more courage to fall into the future. In these uncertain times, that is what we must do. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Are we, nonetheless, relaxed and ready.

Over the weekend, I gave my Fresh Start! training to a customer service team. One young woman was easily intimidated by hostile customers, even though they stand on the other side of a nearly bulletproof wall. I helped her feel that she was safe, and taught her to stand ready and strong, and breath and feel alive as she worked. She told me she plays basketball, and we discussed the difference between being strong and ready and being either fearful or aggressive. It is a matter of trusting ourselves, and embodying that trust in our stance in life.

So, do you trust yourself? Are you ready to fall into the future, knowing that you are strong and capable? Do you know you will be able to handle whatever news the stock market, the world political situation, and your loved ones bring you tomorrow?

And are you ready to fall into the future, knowing that your team is there, and they will catch you? Do you trust your team? Do you know that they are ready and able to help? And are you there for them in the same way?

These are good questions, and they are not judgments. If you are feeling that confidence and trust, wonderful! If you are not, then that’s okay, too. And it makes sense to make a plan to build your trust in yourself, your trust in your team, and their trust in you. What will you do to become a better leader each day, starting today?

Take that step, and you are falling into the future – with confidence.

There is an old Peanuts cartoon in which Linus says to Charlie Brown, “I’ve got good news! It says here that our character is not set until the age of 5. We can change.” Charlie Brown replies, “But I am five; I’m more than five!”

Mainstream psychologists have upped where we can no longer change to 8 years old. But that still leaves us adults up the creek without a paddle.

It’s ironic that every leadership training I’ve attended mentions this limitation, then says that, to become leaders, we have to transform our character!

So, are we really stuck, unable to change, unable to develop our character, change our habits, and become great?

Absolutely not!

We can change and grow. We can lead ourselves and become better leaders. We can overcome procrastination, reactivity, and negativity, and help others do it, too.

It’s not easy. In fact, it’s so hard that it’s no surprise that mainstream psychology says we can’t. But we can. I’ve done it, and I keep doing it. My coaching clients are doing it. Hang out with me in this blog, and you’ll be growing and changing soon.

Very, very soon.

Sid